Night Talk
by icyglass431
Summary: A night down in the tunnel with some questions and revelations.


**A/N: This is a one-shot set in between the chapters 35 and 36 of my story "Hope Dies Last".**

* * *

_December 1944_

Jout slowly made his way down the ladder into the tunnel. His knee was far from being healed, but if he was walking slowly and minded the weight he was putting on his left leg, he was able to walk a short distance without crutches. But when he reached the ground, Jout had to lean against the ladder for a moment and raise his left foot from the ground as he waited for the stinging pain in his knee to ease. Since climbing down the ladder only really worked with using both of his legs, he had to put a lot of pressure on his still slightly injured knee, which his knee did not like; and it showed its discomfort immediately. So Jout closed his eyes and did something he had done a lot lately: breathing through the pain. After a few deep breaths, his knee had calmed down and Jout was able to slowly walk into the radio room, where he saw Baker sitting at the radio.

"Hey, Baker!" Jout greeted, making the other man looking up from the book in his hands. "Everything's quiet?"

"Yes, just waiting for London to confirm an earlier message saying that there will be no radio contact till tomorrow 1200 hours," Baker replied.

Jout raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like something important is happening tonight."

"Probably an air raid or something like that."

Suddenly, Baker raised a finger and grabbed a pencil with the other hand. He began to quickly write something down. In the meantime, Jout walked over to the table in the middle of the radio room and sat down next to Baker on the vacant stool. When Baker stopped writing, he answered to London's message by sending a short reply by Morse code.

Then Baker took of his headset and looked at Jout, a smile circling around his lips. "And that was London's confirmation." He rose to his feet and said, "I'm going up and give the Colonel the message before hitting the hay. Have to enjoy a full night of sleep when it comes around."

"Yeah, the closer the end of the war comes, the more missions we get. I only hope the war ends soon; I don't think I'm pleasant company after weeks of no sleep," Jout joked.

"I think no one of us will be," Baker replied. "Good Night, Jout," he said.

"Good Night, Baker," Jout answered.

He watched how Baker climbed up into the barracks and waited for the bunk bed to close. Then he stood up and slowly continued his walk to his real objective. Because next to Jout, there was one other person in the tunnel, and Jout longed to spend some time with this special someone.

Slowly but surely, Jout made his way down tunnel three towards his boyfriend's sewing room. Because of a joint operation with members of the underground, his brother Hogan had ordered Newkirk to sew a couple of Gestapo and Wehrmacht uniforms. Newkirk had been down in his sewing room the whole day while Jout spent the morning in the gym with Wilson, doing strengthening exercises for his knee, and the afternoon sleeping. Though his physical injuries were almost fully healed, doing sports or any other form of physical exercise was still exhausting him very much. And having trained and slept today meant that Jout had not yet seen or interacted with Newkirk after breakfast.

Jout crossed into the sewing room, where he was greeted by Newkirk pushing a needle into black fabric. "Hello, darling!"

Newkirk's head shot up, a surprised look on his face. " 'ey, luv! What are ya doin' 'ere?"

"How does it look? I came to spend some time with my boyfriend," Jout said. He limbed towards his boyfriend, the walk without crutches from the radio room proving to be too much for his knee.

Newkirk rushed to his side and wrapped an arm around Jout's waist. " 'ere, let me 'elp ya."

Jout gladly accepted the help, leaning into Newkirk to remove some pressure from his knee. The Brit led him to a cot that stood left from his sewing table in the middle. The last weeks had been packed with missions, and Newkirk began to spend more and more nights down in the tunnel, sewing uniforms or forging papers. So Hogan placed a cot in his room so that he could rest a bit during the nights without having to come up to the barracks. They sat down at the cot and Jout immediately gave Newkirk a kiss.

"I've missed you," Jout said after they broke apart. "You've been down here the whole day."

"I came up once," Newkirk said, his arm still wrapped around Jout's back. "But you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake ya, so I went back down 'ere."

Jout put a hand on Newkirk's thigh, his fingertips dancing over the blue fabric. He looked down and admitted, "Wilson's training really tired me out. I guess I'm not as fit as I thought."

Newkirk took Jout's chin in his hand and gently moved it up, staring into warm chocolate brown eyes. " 'ey, don't be sad. Ya will be back in shape in no time." He let his fingers travel down Jout's chest, stopping at his belt buckle. "But only exercise as much as yer body lets ya."

Jout shivered at his boyfriend's touch and sighed. "It's easy for you to say. You're not the one who can't walk ten meters without a paining knee. I used to work out every day and was in great shape. Now I do a couple of strengthening exercise and I'm already knocked out for the whole afternoon."

"Ya're still in great shape," Newkirk interjected. "And yer stamina will also come back. But if ya overdo it now, it will only turn out bad for ya."

Jout cast his glance down again and bit his bottom lip. Then he shyly looked back up into Newkirk's bright grey-green eyes and asked a question that had been on his mind a lot the last couple of days. "Do you still find me attractive?"

Newkirk's face betrayed his shock. That was a question he never expected to be asked by his boyfriend. "Of course I do! What gives ya the idea I wouldn't?"

Jout shrugged and looked back down, not having the strength to look him in the eye. "We haven't made love since my recovery." Before Newkirk could say something, he quickly explained, "I know that the past two months have been hard, but except for my knee, I'm healthy again. And you haven't made any efforts to be intimate with me the last weeks. I would understand if you are hesitant because of my scars. I mean, you know that my whole back is covered in scars, but now I have a big one right across my stomach. It's quite prominent and you would see it immediately."

Newkirk stopped Jout's ramble by placing a finger on his mouth. "Look at me." When Jout did not raise his glance, Newkirk repeated, "Josh, look at me."

Eventually, Jout slowly moved his head up. His mouth was instantly plundered by Newkirk's dry lips, who pushed the other man on his back and followed him on top. A moan left Jout's lips as Newkirk pushed his tongue into his mouth, stroking his own wet muscle. Newkirk raked with his fingers through Jout's umber brown hair and after a while, he broke away from him.

Newkirk propped himself up on his elbows and looked into wide brown eyes. "Does this answer yer question? I find ya just as attractive as I always 'ave And right now, I would like nothin' more than to make love to ya the whole night."

"What stops you?" Jout asked.

"After everythin' ya went through, I want it to be special. I don't want to love ya in this damp tunnel. No, I want to slip out to a 'otel and be intimate with ya in a real and comfortable bed," Newkirk explained. He stroked with his thumb over Jout's cheek and said, "And the reason why I 'aven't made any efforts? I wasn't sure if ya're ready. Ya work every day for yer knee to be fully 'ealed while ya still battle with the nightmares 'at torture ya at night."

Jout stared at his boyfriend and pressed his hand against his chest, right over his heart. "So you don't think I'm repulsive?"

"I could never think 'at." Newkirk leaned down and gave Jout another gentle kiss. "Besides, why do ya think I spend so much time down 'ere? I could 'ave been already finished if a certain someone was not constantly poppin' into me 'ead and distractin' me."

Jout had to laugh. He squeezed Newkirk's right upper arm and said, "I see your biceps is getting stronger."

Newkirk joined in the laughter before he gave Jout another peck on the lips. Then he rose and sat down on the cot while Jout remained lying down. "I 'ave to get back to work. But why don't ya stay 'ere? We could talk some more and when ya get tired, ya can sleep on the cot."

"Sounds lovely," Jout said.

He smiled up at Newkirk from his reclined position, who stood up and took off Jout's shoes. He threw a blanket over his boyfriend and walked back to the sewing table, sitting down and taking the needle and the black fabric in his hands again. Jout watched how Newkirk stuck the needle again and again in the fabric while talking with him about everything and anything; but most importantly, he simply enjoyed the presence of the man he loved.

* * *

A finished Gestapo uniform later, Newkirk looked up at his boyfriend, a smile circling around his lips. Jout was sleeping peacefully on his back, his head propped up on his right arm. Newkirk grabbed the uniform and turned around to stash it in a box where the other finished uniforms waited for the underground members to try them on.

Newkirk had just put the big uniform coat on top of everything when he heard Jout murmuring, "Please, no."

He turned around and saw Jout writhing in his sleep, the peacefulness surrounding him having vanished. Newkirk sighed as he walked over to the cot, his heart aching at seeing his boyfriend being tormented yet again by a nightmare.

Newkirk sat down on the cot and placed a gentle hand on Jout's shoulder. "Shh, luv. Everythin's alright; it's only a bad dream."

"No!" Jout exclaimed, his face betraying the pain his nightmare was putting him through. "I'm so sorry. Please, no! Tommy!"

Newkirk raised an eyebrow. He always thought that the nightmares Jout was having were about the torture he had experienced by the Gestapo. But what had Tommy to do with that?

He put another hand on Jout's other shoulder and gently tried to shake him awake. "Please, luv, wake up! Ya're safely back at camp."

Suddenly, Jout's eyes shot open and frightened brown eyes stared up at Newkirk. He was panting heavily as he whispered, "Peter?"

"Yes, Josh. I'm 'ere." Newkirk waited for Jout to sat up before he asked, "Another nightmare?"

Jout nodded, driving with his hand through his tousled hair. "I wish they would just stop."

Newkirk placed a hand on Jout's thigh. "What were ya dreamin' about, luv?"

"The same thing I always dream about: Fuhrmann torturing me," Jout sighed.

"Aha," Newkirk stated. "And why are ya screamin' Tommy's name?"

Jout stared at him, completely surprised and shocked. He felt how his heart began to beat faster. "What?"

"Ya were writhin' and screamed 'is name. And ya said 'at ya were sorry." Newkirk squeezed Jout's thigh and coaxed, "Please, luv, tell me what troubles ya. Ya can tell me everythin'. And ya can be sure, nothin' will leave this room."

Jout glanced down at his nervous hands while he felt Newkirk's gaze at him, which was making him more nervous. Eventually, he slowly nodded. "In my nightmare, I'm standing at the execution side where Fuhrmann makes me choose between saving the family or saving Papa Bear. When I tell him I don't know who Papa Bear is, he gives the command to shoot. But when I look at the wall, the family is gone. Instead, Tommy and Ann are standing there. I plead to Fuhrmann to not kill them, but he says it's too late. Before the shots are fired, Ann stares at me and asks me how I can do this to them, how I can let innocent children die. When I tell her I don't have a choice, she says that you always have a choice and that I decided to be a murderer."

"Oh, Josh," Newkirk said as he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's waist, who placed his head on his shoulder. "Ya're not responsible for the death of the family. It was Fuhrmann who ordered them to be killed."

"I know that," sighed Jout.

"But why didn't ya talk to me about yer dream then?" Newkirk asked.

Jout removed his head from Newkirk's shoulder and said, "I was afraid…I still am."

"About what?"

"What if our operation is made public after the war and Ann learns about what happened to the family. What if she hates me for that and takes Tommy away from me?" A few tears began to run down Jout's cheeks. "I know that if I had told you about my dreams, you would have said that I'm not responsible for the family's death and that Ann would never take Tommy away from me. But I'm still afraid she will do that."

Newkirk threw his arms around Jout and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Jout also slung his arms around Newkirk's back, hugging him back while burying his head in his neck. Newkirk drove with one hand through Jout's hair and said, "And ya're right. Ya don't 'ave to be afraid 'at Ann takes Tommy away from ya because she won't. If our operation is made public, which I doubt, Ann won't be angry. She will be 'eartbroken for what ya 'ad to endure. But above all, she will never think of ya other than a great father to 'er son."

Jout disengaged himself from Newkirk and ask in a whisper, "You really think so?"

Newkirk smiled softly at him. "Yes." He kicked off his shoes and lay down on the cot. Then Newkirk opened his arms and said, "Come lie down with me!"

Jout stretched out, placing his head on Newkirk's chest. The other man pulled the blanket over them and wrapped his arms around Jout. Jout sighed with content and closed his eyes.

"Are ya comfortable?" Newkirk asked.

Jout nodded against his chest. "Very much indeed." He placed his left hand next to his head on Newkirk's chest and said, "I can't wait for you to meet Tommy. He will love you."

"Ya think 'at?"

"What's not to love about you?" Jout asked with a chuckle. Newkirk followed him suit and Jout said, "No, really. You are amazing, and Tommy will love it when you show him all the magic tricks you know."

"I can't wait to meet 'im too, luv." Newkirk squeezed him gently and closed his eyes. "I can't wait for the war to end."


End file.
